Nirvana was a helluva band. Kurt’s suicide was a helluva waste. Hard to believe it’s been fifteen years. I saw Nirvana at Cincinnati’s Murphy’s Pup in 1989 but paid no attention. I was there to see a friend’s band. A year later they were the biggest thing in the world and the punk scene they came from didn’t know what to make of it. I know it took me some time to make my peace with their popularity. I loved In Utero and it won me back.
Nirvana’s music and the very public struggle Kurt had with fame and all that was a real part of my world. Certain Nirvana songs still feel as personal to me now as then. So much so that I find them hard to listen to. I was on psychedelics in New York City walking into a subway when I found out he died. The newsstands had it posted. I will always remember the rest of that day; the ferry back to Staten Island with comrades, returning to my girlfriend’s apartment and tuning into MTV, turning off MTV, playing music, tripping and intense intimacies. The world was a better place with Kurt Cobain in it.